Who Are You Really on LinkedIn?
You swore you’d just “quickly check your network.”
Now it’s midnight, and you’re deep into your former colleague’s ex-CEO’s granola startup origin story.
“I’m just here for the opportunities,” you claim.
But let’s be honest — no one doom-scrolls for hours without a little fascination.
So… who’s behind that polished headshot?
Let’s meet the LinkedIn Personas we secretly (or not so secretly) become:
🎬 The Corporate Influencer
Every day is a TED Talk.
Morning coffee? “5am ritual for peak productivity.”
Stapling papers? “Driving operational excellence.”
Coming soon: Breathing — A 3-Step Framework.
📣 The Humblebragger
“So overwhelmed after my 4th promotion this quarter. #ImposterSyndrome”
Translation: I’m crushing it, please clap.
🧠 The Thought Leader™
Posts 10x a day.
Loves terms like “synergistic alignment.”
Printer jam? “A metaphor for agile resilience in legacy systems.”
🐔 The Armchair Expert
Hasn’t built a startup, but comments “Actually…” on every founder’s post.
Thesis: “Why Your Business Will Fail, Vol. III”
🤳 The Self-Appointed Mentor
“DM me for guidance!”
…Then ghosts you unless you book their $500/hr coaching call.
📸 The Connection Collector
7,000+ connections. Engages with 0 of them.
Bio says: “Networking Ninja.” Reality: Digital hoarder.
🤖 The AI Ghostwriter
Flawless posts. Zero personality.
Secretly powered by ChatGPT and sprinkled with “disruptive innovation.”
🌅 The Sunset Poster
Laptop. Beach. Golden hour.
Caption: “Gratitude > Hustle.” Posted while emailing at 11:27pm.
📊 The Slide Deck Prophet
Carousel posts with bold text like “Read that again.”
We did. Still confused. But we clapped anyway.
🐶 The Relatable Storyteller
“Today my dog barked at the mailman. Here’s what that taught me about leadership.”
The takeaway? Always find the metaphor.
So… who are you on LinkedIn?
Are you curating a persona — or building authenticity?
LinkedIn is a stage. The feed is your spotlight.
Are you sharing your real story, or just the algorithm-friendly version?
👇 Tag your archetype. Or confess your own — we won’t tell.
Let’s stop pretending and start connecting. 👥
#LinkedInHumor #WorkCulture #ProfessionalIdentity #CareerRealTalk #Authenticity #Networking
